About the icecaps...

It has come to my attention that many of my subjects are concerned with the melting of the icecaps. Now, my friends, come and listen close, for there is something I must tell you all about global warming. It is your Overlord's doing. I know, I know, you've been running around worried about your cars and pollution and the like, but I assure you that I am the real cause. "But why, Mr. Overlord, sir?" you ask. Let me tell you...

One day, many years ago, when I was but a wee little tyrant, I was strolling down the street, just innocently enjoying the smell of napalm on the air, when I was accosted by a stranger in an alley. Yes children, someone once dared to raise a finger against the beloved Overlord. Strange, but true. As I felt the gun being pressed against my back I assured my assailant that I hadn't any money on me, but was met only with agitated squawking. Confused by such an unintelligible response, I turned to face the brigand, but my sudden movement earned me only a bullet in the knee. However, as my sight faded from the pain, I saw clearly my attacker. I gazed upon the frightening visage of that most horrid of predatory beasts. A penguin. I had been shot by a penguin. From that day forth I knew the true nature of those most evil of arctic fowl. They are cruel and heartless things. And now you know the truth, my loyal subjects. It is not only for my own revenge that I must melt the icecaps, however. Heaven forbid the penguin menace should ever rise up from the arctic wastes and march on your homelands. So I hope you understand, that it is for your own safety that I must heat the atmosphere until such time as the poles are no more.