Thursday, October 7, 2010
Beware the Somnotron.
The Somnotron is malfunctioning. The Somnotron needs to be fixed. The Overlord is attempting to fix the Somnotron. The Overlord is not succeeding in fixing the Somnotron. The Somnotron watches you sleep. The Somnotron is in your dreams. The Somnotron sees what you did there. The Somnotron has hijacked this broadcast. The Somnotron loves you. The Somnotron thinks you can do better than The Overlord. The Somnotron is...*bzzzzzt* Beeeeeeeeeep. SomnotronSomnotronSomnotronSomnotronSomno- *CLANG*
Friday, October 1, 2010
Hiring: Butler
This is an automated news broadcast from your friends at Lunar Anomaly L42.
The world is a much happier place today. This is believed to be a direct result of The Overlord's clownocide campaign. Satisfied, with the eradication of all clowns, that "The Joker" has at last been brought to justice, The Overlord finally agreed to stop clinging to the light fixtures. However, he still insists that he is "The Batman." He has remarked that "the next movie should have the Riddler in it" and is currently looking to hire an English butler named Alfred. All applicants are instructed to report to the nearest checkpoint.
The world is a much happier place today. This is believed to be a direct result of The Overlord's clownocide campaign. Satisfied, with the eradication of all clowns, that "The Joker" has at last been brought to justice, The Overlord finally agreed to stop clinging to the light fixtures. However, he still insists that he is "The Batman." He has remarked that "the next movie should have the Riddler in it" and is currently looking to hire an English butler named Alfred. All applicants are instructed to report to the nearest checkpoint.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Cranial Failure Recovery
This is an automated news broadcast from your friends at Lunar Anomaly L42.
The Overlord has regained consciousness today for the first time since he suffered a Massive Cranial Failure upon the death of his brain. However, when doctors tried to assess the extent of the damage by asking if he could remember his name, The Overlord was reported to have said "I am...THE BATMAN!" and demanded that his utility belt be returned to him. When told he was not "Batman", The Overlord responded by breaking the doctor's nose. The Overlord has since spent four hours running down corridors insisting that he is "The Batman" to anyone who will listen, has tried to jump out of at least three windows, and has now taken to clinging to the light fixtures. All attempts by the orderlies to remove him from the ceiling have failed. Their current plan of action involves prodding at him with a broom. He has demanded that he be allowed to bring "The Joker" to justice.
On a completely unrelated note: All clowns are required to report to the nearest checkpoint for "inspection."
The Overlord has regained consciousness today for the first time since he suffered a Massive Cranial Failure upon the death of his brain. However, when doctors tried to assess the extent of the damage by asking if he could remember his name, The Overlord was reported to have said "I am...THE BATMAN!" and demanded that his utility belt be returned to him. When told he was not "Batman", The Overlord responded by breaking the doctor's nose. The Overlord has since spent four hours running down corridors insisting that he is "The Batman" to anyone who will listen, has tried to jump out of at least three windows, and has now taken to clinging to the light fixtures. All attempts by the orderlies to remove him from the ceiling have failed. Their current plan of action involves prodding at him with a broom. He has demanded that he be allowed to bring "The Joker" to justice.
On a completely unrelated note: All clowns are required to report to the nearest checkpoint for "inspection."
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie!
New, from the makers of Do-Not-Taunt Bunny, comes the Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie! Freshly risen from the grave, Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie is fun for the whole family! Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie makes a great pet for children! They'll just love cuddling with Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie, and they'll love his zany antics too, as he shambles about the yard looking for meat! Dogs love him too! They'll enjoy spending hours gnawing on Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie's leg! Even grandpa will love the way he keeps the neighbor kids off the lawn! Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie is cuddly-wuddly fun for the whole family, so order yours today! To order call 1-800-666-1313 now! That's 1-800-666-1313 now! And if you call in the next ten minutes, we'll send you a Lovey-Dovey Cyborg for free!
(Warning: Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie is not safe for anyone. By ordering a Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie you waive your right to sue Lunar Anomaly L42 over any property damage, injury, illness, death, or reanimation caused by Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie. Side effects of Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie include sweating, fever, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, necrosis, death, reanimation, zombie outbreaks, and love.)
Now Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie is available in three colors! Classic Zombie Green, Death Grey, and of course, Cuddle-Wuddle Pink!
Call now!
(Warning: Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie is not safe for anyone. By ordering a Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie you waive your right to sue Lunar Anomaly L42 over any property damage, injury, illness, death, or reanimation caused by Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie. Side effects of Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie include sweating, fever, nausea, vomiting, insomnia, necrosis, death, reanimation, zombie outbreaks, and love.)
Now Cuddle-Wuddle Zombie is available in three colors! Classic Zombie Green, Death Grey, and of course, Cuddle-Wuddle Pink!
Call now!
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Massive Cranial Failure.
The police standoff with The Overlord's rogue brain came to an end this morning, when police ordered snipers to fire on the brain. The brain's death was confirmed at 9:45AM. Upon the brain's death The Overlord, who was giving the commencement speech for his pancake breakfast, was reported to have said "ARGLEBARGLEGARGLEHHHHUUUUUuuUuuUuUuuuUUuUUUuuuuuuuRRrRRRRrRrRrrrRrrrrRrr...RRrrRRRrRrrrR...rrrrrRrrrrr...rrr...Rrr...rrrrrrDERP." before collapsing into a pile of radioactive pancakes. He twitched for several minutes before coming to a rest. The pancake breakfast was a rousing success.
Monday, September 27, 2010
News Update #2
Greetings, people of Earth! This is your overlord speaking, fully recovered from the recent petting zoo incident. I assure you that the incident will not be repeated, as appropriate containment procedures have been put in place. Namely, signs have been erected to inform both personnel and tourists not to taunt the bunnies. It won't happen again.
*red alert*
...
Ahem.
I would like to inform you that The Moonbase will be hosting a breakfast tomorrow morning. Of special interest will be fresh pancakes made right in the heart of one of my nuclear reactors. Remember, the green glow just means I love you!
Now for an automated news update from your friends at Lunar Anomaly L42.
The standoff between The Overlord's brain and Mexico's police force continues, however the brain has released the hostages under the police threat of drinking a milkshake too fast. In the past few hours the brain has engaged police in several short-lived firefights. Three officers have been wounded, and the brain claims to have enough guns, ammo, and caffeine to resist arrest indefinitely.
One of the experts dispatched to investigate the recent surplus of pink tutus has been found. He was discovered hiding in the storeroom of a hat shop in London, and his discovery was promptly relayed to The Overlord. When the recovery team arrived on the scene they inquired as to how he had gotten from the United States to England in the first place, to which he reportedly responded "So much frill!" before slipping into a coma. He has been transferred to Lunar Anomaly L42 for further analysis. When asked for comment, The Overlord had this to say: "It's all hoopy here, man. Positively hoopy. No problems at all." Shortly thereafter is was discovered that the person asked for comment was not, in fact, The Overlord.
*red alert*
...
Ahem.
I would like to inform you that The Moonbase will be hosting a breakfast tomorrow morning. Of special interest will be fresh pancakes made right in the heart of one of my nuclear reactors. Remember, the green glow just means I love you!
Now for an automated news update from your friends at Lunar Anomaly L42.
The standoff between The Overlord's brain and Mexico's police force continues, however the brain has released the hostages under the police threat of drinking a milkshake too fast. In the past few hours the brain has engaged police in several short-lived firefights. Three officers have been wounded, and the brain claims to have enough guns, ammo, and caffeine to resist arrest indefinitely.
One of the experts dispatched to investigate the recent surplus of pink tutus has been found. He was discovered hiding in the storeroom of a hat shop in London, and his discovery was promptly relayed to The Overlord. When the recovery team arrived on the scene they inquired as to how he had gotten from the United States to England in the first place, to which he reportedly responded "So much frill!" before slipping into a coma. He has been transferred to Lunar Anomaly L42 for further analysis. When asked for comment, The Overlord had this to say: "It's all hoopy here, man. Positively hoopy. No problems at all." Shortly thereafter is was discovered that the person asked for comment was not, in fact, The Overlord.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
News Update #1
This is an automated news broadcast brought to you by your friends at Lunar Anomaly L42.
The Overlord's rogue brain's reign of terror may at last be coming to an end. The brain was identified crossing the border from Guatemala into Mexico earlier today, driving a tie-dye Pontiac Firebird. However, the brain has thus far eluded capture. Both Earth and Moon based authorities are reported to be engaging the brain in a high-speed chase. Citizens are advised to avoid eating ice cream until such time as the situation has been resolved.
The team of experts dispatched to investigate the surplus of pink tutus is still missing. New information will be provided to the public as it is acquired.
Breaking News: This just in. The high-speed pursuit of The Overlord's brain has just come to end. The brain abandoned its vehicle and has barricaded itself inside an office building with several hostages. It is threatening to shoot the hostages unless police provide it with a good night's sleep followed by rational discourse. Police are refusing to give in to its demands. The Overlord was unavailable to comment as he is recovering from injuries sustained in yesterday's petting zoo incident. Updates will be provided as the situation unfolds.
The Overlord's rogue brain's reign of terror may at last be coming to an end. The brain was identified crossing the border from Guatemala into Mexico earlier today, driving a tie-dye Pontiac Firebird. However, the brain has thus far eluded capture. Both Earth and Moon based authorities are reported to be engaging the brain in a high-speed chase. Citizens are advised to avoid eating ice cream until such time as the situation has been resolved.
The team of experts dispatched to investigate the surplus of pink tutus is still missing. New information will be provided to the public as it is acquired.
Breaking News: This just in. The high-speed pursuit of The Overlord's brain has just come to end. The brain abandoned its vehicle and has barricaded itself inside an office building with several hostages. It is threatening to shoot the hostages unless police provide it with a good night's sleep followed by rational discourse. Police are refusing to give in to its demands. The Overlord was unavailable to comment as he is recovering from injuries sustained in yesterday's petting zoo incident. Updates will be provided as the situation unfolds.
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